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Family Of Deceased Newmills Man At War Over Controversial Epitaph On Gravestone

my_tombstoneThe immediate family of a recently deceased 89-year-old ex-kite maker from Newmills are said to be at war after an inscription on his gravestone simply read ‘Willie Farmer; He Had Good Teeth’.

Mrs Farmer (88) and her son Adam are said to be responsible for the inscription, as opposed to the two daughters who believed he should have received a more positive message on the gravestone at Newmills Community Cemetery after Monday’s funeral service.

Defending the inscription, Mrs Farmer maintained that the message they settled upon summed up all that was good about her husband, adding that he was lucky to even have that at all.

“Yes, he had great teeth. But he was an obnoxious, miserable old man. His teeth were the only redeeming thing about him and I should know, after 55 years of marriage. Initially, I just wanted it to say ‘Willie Farmer; He Had Teeth‘ but the son added a bit more information with ‘good’.”

Daughter Emily Farmer maintains there was more to the inscription than met the eye:

“My da went against the grain and left all his land to his daughters in his will. This is simply my ma and our Geoff getting back at him, and him dead.”

The Farmer fiasco is the latest in a spate of gravestone skulduggery in the county after a Tattyreagh wife was chastised by her family for inscribing ‘Jack Quinn; He Lived.’ on his headstone after a tumultuous 61 years of marriage.

The Mid-Ulster council are to vote on a motion that members of the deceased have to write at least one good thing on the headstone from January 1st 2016.

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Tyrone Classifieds – October

WANTED SECTION:

Two adult tricycles. Good breaks, not too rusty. Must be able to hold 15 stone each. Needed for romantic excursions with wife. Ardboe.

A yellow and green button for my shirt. Shirt has been very successful at Sally’s in Omagh. Tattyreagh.

Surgeon required for new surgery in Coalisland. No experience necessary. Must have own tools.

Someone to do farm work. Must have a hoolahoop. Augher.

The person I hit on the head with a tomato in Beragh in 1958. Feel guilty. Fivemiletown.

Someone to go back in time with. No time-wasters. Must bring your own weapons. Safety cannot be guaranteed. Will get paid when we get back. Only done this once before. Strabane.

Someone who can speak and write Australian. Relatives visiting in three months so want teacher asap. Brocagh.

SELLING SECTION:

Child’s potty chair. 10 years old. Slight staining. Newmills. £20

Used gravestone. Used only once. Must be called Patrick Kelly. Dungannon. £300

Soccer ball. Signed by either Pele, the greatest footballer on earth from Brazil, or some guy called Peter. Writing faint. Moortown. £100

Bagpiper. Will do wedding, funerals and children’s parties. Not the greatest piper but no one can tell. £50 per hour. Plumbridge.

Dinosaur bones. Not 100% sure but look a bit like the way I imagine they would. Found in bog in Greencastle. £50’000

Horse. Half Andalusian. Half Labrador. Very friendly. Likes bones. Drumragh. £600

One pair of hardly used dentures. Only three teeth missing. Galbally. £50

Vosene Shampoo. Only half used. Bargain at £4. Also Mach 3 razor blade. Only used twice. Mint condition. £2. Edendork.

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