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Carland Man Patents New Flying Machine: ‘The Airborne Trampoline’

trampoline

9H82SCAD1JNKUCAKSAM4ECA4CFUS8CABDPQ8CCAXR4253CA9UCDRXCAZBL4K7CA1YI0EICAZ6P35OCAEDMHWLCAHUXD0ZCAPW5AAECAQL7DFICAR354RDCANGIQ7ECAEL7GBKCA8R1O4LCAF5SXODBY SHENGAS MCGLUMPHIE

A radical proposal from a Carland man that could revolutionise air travel was published yesterday, following thousands of trampolines throughout the county literally lifting off in the fierce storms since last Wednesday,

“It’s obvious when you think about it”, said wild-eyed, would-be inventor, 42-year old Danny Hughes. “All this time we’re driving like eejits down to Belfast or Aldergrove and spending a lock of pounds to catch an airyplane, when half the time the answer’s quite literally sitting in our own back yard. This is some invention boys. It’s the best thing since thon two boys invented the flying machine all them years ago. Was it the Mitchell brothers?”

The storms in recent days has seen numerous trampolines throughout the county being blown over and in many cases into neighbouring properties and fields.

“Them trampolines is born travellers”, said Hughes. “They’ve got the wanderlust in them. They just can’t wait to pack their wee trampoline bags and go travelling. So why not go with them?”

When pressed to provide a detailed technical specification on how the airborne trampoline system might work in practice, Hughes was somewhat vague, although the process seemed to centre on lashing someone to a trampoline with a big piece of blue rope, waiting for the wind to get up, and hoping for the best.

Hughes put his invention to the test by tethering himself to his daughter’s trampoline for four hours on Thursday evening, before coming back into the house suffering from mild frostbite and suspected pneumonia. The inventor was however upbeat about the episode, saying that patience was required.

“Listen. Trampolines is like bulls. They’re temperamental critters. That’s why they keep fecking children out the bouncy bit all the time and breaking their arms. You need to be gentle”.

He went on,

“I saw this one trampoline on Wednesday night in our neighbour’s garden. Jays, it was the most beautiful sight you’ve ever seen. It just lifted up, seemed to pause for a second, then it soared like a mighty eagle into the night sky. Fair enough, it then crashed down on top of their Nissan Cherry, but still”.

Greencastle Woman Accidentally Drives Up Croagh Patrick

BY SHENGAS MCGLUMPHIE9H82SCAD1JNKUCAKSAM4ECA4CFUS8CABDPQ8CCAXR4253CA9UCDRXCAZBL4K7CA1YI0EICAZ6P35OCAEDMHWLCAHUXD0ZCAPW5AAECAQL7DFICAR354RDCANGIQ7ECAEL7GBKCA8R1O4LCAF5SXOD

A 28 year old former Miss Greencastle caused chaos on the hills of County Mayo at the weekend after driving up one of Ireland’s tallest mountains in a Nissan Cherry.

Susie McGurk, who briefly hit the headlines in August last year after driving all the way to Dublin in first gear in a Datsun Sunny, was eventually stopped by the Mayo’s Mountain Rescue Service which was patrolling Croagh Patrick.

 “To be honest, since the handlin’ to Dublin last year, I solved it by driving everywhere in fifth gear”, said the Greencastle woman, “And most of the time it works. But this business about driving from Greencastle to Mayo and then up Croagh Patrick has me really affronted. Especially as I only meant to go to Gortin to get some mince”.

Car

McGurk drops her down into fourth

McGurk set out on Monday lunchtime and drove for nearly three hours.

 “Aye, looking back on it, for a trip to Centra it did seem a wee bit odd”, admitted the hapless McGurk, “But I just thought it was the roadworks on the Blackbog Road slowing everything up”. McGurk soon found herself driving up a rocky mountain path at a 60-degree angle. “Really, I’ve felt worse going over them speed bumps in Carrickmore. I thought nothing of it. The first thing I knew something was wrong was when I saw all these people walking around in bare feet looking exhausted. I thought I had driven into Stewartstown by mistake. It was only when a goat jumped onto the windscreen that I knew something was wrong. So I took it a bit easier and dropped her down into fourth”.

The mountain rescue workers, dressed in bright orange overalls and hard hats, revealed that McGurk did nothing for cross-county relations when she was eventually stopped. McGurk was alleged to have shouted,

 “Are you the guys from The Village People? Get out the feckin’ way ye feckers. The Weakest Link starts at 5 o’clock”, before sliding backwards into a ditch, a sheep, and three hill walkers. “Well, there was something wrong with the stupid car”, said McGurk. “This big pillow burst out of the steering wheel for no reason after I bumped into something. Might have been a bull. What’s that all about?”

McGurk is due to sit her driving test next month.

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