A Sion Mills man says he hasn’t a clue what the police are on about after they arrested him for running an illegal tanning salon at his house, despite a steady flow of women attending his abode from 9-5 from Monday to Friday most weeks.
Although an obvious massive neon-sign saying ‘Tommy’s Tans’ was placed above his front door and details of a twitter account, facebook page, instagram details and business website also evident on the signage, Tommy McCann maintains he just calls his house that and that he has a pile of women friends anyway.
As he was escorted from the premises, McCann told us
“No, there’s nothing going on here. I just like my name and I like tans. That’s why I called my house that.”
As he spoke, a stream of women in bikinis left through the side door with tanning streaks and drips evident on the back field as they fled.
His closest neighbour, who complained to PSNI after her car was hemmed in by customers, was asked about the house:
Listen, sure I’ve had three tanning sessions in there and was spray-painted outside his back for a First Communion emergency. Who’s he trying to kid?”
Meanwhile, underage drinkers in Sion Mills have been asked to find a new venue in the town for drinking by religious leaders.
‘The Tan in Strabane’, a tanning studio in Urney Road, owned and operated by farmer Eamon Nugent, was investigated by trading standard officials from Omagh following numerous complaints.
Nugent defended his shop putting it down to what he called ‘teething troubles’.
“I’ve been in the tanning industry a long time”, he said. “Twice to Benidorm and a week in Bundoran last July during that boiling hot spell. Mighty. There’s not much I don’t know about getting a tan”.
Customers have accused the services of falling far below their expectations, including the ‘Super Deluxe All-Over Tanning Booth’, which consisted of Toner in a pair of dungarees holding two roller brushes and a bucket of what apparently looked suspiciously like creosote.
“Creosote? How dare you. Not in my establishment”, bristled Nugent. “I use nothing but the finest products. Anyway, if it was good enough for 200 yards of timber fence, it’s good enough for some of the wemin round these parts. Thon last coat went on in 2008 and it still looks like new. What are they complaining about?”
Other complaints relate to the ‘Nail & Beauty Bar’, consisting of a pair of pliers, a wire brush, and some sandpaper. Nugent was also accused of over-charging a generously-proportioned customer for a tanning session on account of her size.
“Aye, she was a big unit all right”, admitted Nugent. “I told her that because of the extra beef on her she’d get charged more so I slapped on an extra tenner. Materials aren’t free you know. Should have charged her per square foot. I’d have made a buckin’ fortune”.
Trading standards official Ronan Docherty, said,
“What are people playing at anyway, trying to get tan round these parts? It’s hardly Donaghmore is it? They’re not wise in Strabane. They’re trying to compete with all these Europeans types that have moved here when everyone knows that Strabane people can do two colours – tomato or snow. Half them ones that went to that shop would get burnt looking a picture of the moon. Eejits”.
The salon is closed until further notice.