McElhatton’s machine

A Dungannon butcher has received a surprise late call-up to race in this year’s Tour De France which kicks off on Saturday in England.

Kevin ‘The Blurt’ McElhatton was surprised as anyone to receive the call but is determined to see good his invitation, comparing it to being ‘called up for jury duty; there’s no way out of it these days’.

The Blurt continued:

“I don’t even remember applying to ride in it but sure what harm can it do. I’ve a Flame Red MK2 Grifter at my mother’s house and sure I’ll take a spin on her down to the lough shore and back to get the oul chains oiled up for France. That’s a good 20 mile round journey so it is.”

McElhatton, despite having chronic asthma at this time of the year, is adamant he’ll put on a good show and has urged his family and friends to watch him on Channel 4 during the competition:

“I’m not deadly into the tight bicycle lycra stuff so I’m just gonna wear a white t-shirt and my Dungannon Clarkes shorts from my last game as an Under 16 in 1991. I promise not to let anyone down and I’ll drink plenty of water and all.”

There has been a mixed response on twitter to the news with one local politician from Aughnacloy tweeting “Someone stop this man. That Grifter model has a dodgy chain. Madness.”

Meanwhile, ‘The Blurt’ confirmed his butchers will remain open during his ordeal and that there’s a great deal on turkey breasts at £12.99 at the minute.