Shock And Confusion As Tyrone Rose Admits She’s Not Gay
Following the 2014 Rose of Tralee’s public declaration that she’s gay, Tyrone Rose Bernadette Begley has quickly moved to confirm that she’s not gay and hopes the county will stand by her brave admission in the weeks ahead.
Begley, who also came clean on liking Mrs Brown’s Boys and Joe Brolly as well as eating beans with her morning fry, reckons her stance will encourage others to come forward and admit brave stuff that Ireland may not be ready to hear, in their opinion.
“Ever since I announced I was straight I’ve been getting quare looks from oul people around the county. It’s like they’re suspicious of me now that I’m not gay and in the public light. I don’t care though. It’s important that people know what my sexual preferences are, and everyone else’s. Ireland still lives in the Dark Ages, ye know, I think. Anyways I love Joe Brolly and his wee nose twitches. Feck the begrudgers.”
Begley’s father, an ex Commonwealth Bowls bronze medalist, wasn’t sure how the county will react:
“Aye, I’m a bit confused myself. I was sure she was gay as she never showed any signs of being different. This has come as a bit of a shock to be honest. I haven’t the heart to tell her granny. It could kill her. She’s gay herself but also harbours a dark secret too – her own mother’s a protestant. All these things are very important ye know, around here. Sure I like B*Witched”
The PSNI have set up a counselling hotline for anyone struggling to come to terms with other people’s life choices and natural tendencies.