Battered probe lands in Moortown

NASA have yet to confirm or deny rumours that their expensive Rosetta mission may not have been as successful as first thought after word filtered through of a ‘space-like probey thing’ which has landed in a graveyard in Moortown with the words ‘NASA’ on the side of it, even though NASA had nothing to do with it.. 

Suspicions were heightened in Washington after the first audio signal sent back by the Philae Probe included what appeared to include high-pitched sounds including a clearly heard ‘holy smokes’ and ‘ghost-oh boys’.

Chief mourner and gravestone cleaner Maggie Quinn is in no doubt that the probe is not 300 million miles away but a few thousand km from the American capital:

“Sure I saw it with my own eyes. This thing had been hovering above the graveyard since August and we just thought it was a number of things. Some suspected it was the police keeping an eye out for any lads still on the run returning for Graveyard Sunday. Others claimed it was the bru-man or even the TV licence shower. Today it came down gently enough and to be honest we were on the verge of kicking the dung out of it.”

NASA’s description of the landscape appear to match that of Moortown, describing the conditions as ‘hostile’ and ‘like nothing on earth’.

Mrs Quinn concluded:

“I hear they’re trying to find out if water exists where it landed. Well, if they give me the word I’ll houl it up and they’ll have a deadly view of the Lough from here. If there’s something we have, it’s water. But like, they could have looked us up on the Internet instead of spending a billion dollars to come here. But I suppose them taxi boys are rip-off merchants.”

Local PP Fr Hackett has asked locals to pray for the probe which has already been kicked and shot at with an air rifle.