Armagh people spotted near Charlemont

A Moy man, with suspected close connections to Armagh, has been spotted feeding young and old north Armagh residents who have crossed over into the Tyrone border foraging for breakfast and dinner.

Armagh folk, who appear to have struggled to adapt to buying and selling goods as well as general all-round basic human development, are still dependent on family members with excellent hunting skills to gather sustenance for the day – keeping alive a proud tradition dating right back to the Stone Age in the area.

Until recently, Armaghicans have restricted their plundering within their own county borders for over 6000 years. However, a growing population and cleverer wildlife have left them with no option but to look over the fence and to begin pilfering border areas such as the Moy and Eglish, angering the locals especially chicken and pig farmers.

Moy media man Colly McKill has denied leaving out scraps and whistling, before heading to bed:

“That’s just lies. I’m a whistler by nature. And if the bin men lifted the rubbish more often I wouldn’t have a bin overflowing with cakes and soda farls.”

When pressed, McKill admitted he has a romantic investment in County Armagh but was prepared to prove he wasn’t encouraging them to ravage South Tyrone for nourishment:

“OK, the wife is from across the border but I categorically deny feeding others. If you look outside you can see several man-traps primed to go off tonight in case they come raking around my land.”

Tyrone Charity Committee have organised an emergency meeting to discuss whether to aid their neighbours by setting free 8000 chickens, 5000 pigs and dropping hundreds of boxes of Tayto crisps in various points in the Orchard County.