Tyrone lads in Cappagh

A 17-year old A Level student, who has been described as ‘fairly normal enough up until now‘ by close friends and family, has worried his local community after he admitted in the Spar this morning that he has no intention of growing a beard. To confound matters further, Patrick McCullagh also revealed he has no interest in cycling.

Close friend, and owner of an 8-month old beard, Dessie Dorman (18) agreed he was concerned about Patrick’s state of mind and has asked family members to keep an eye on him over the next few days:

“There was nothing wrong with Patrick until today. We just thought he was one of those lads who took ages to grow facial hair like wee Collie McCullagh up the road. But to say he has no interest in growing a beard is just mad stuff altogether. And then to top it off by saying he’s not into the cycling is baffling. To dislike both of those things is weird but I don’t think I want to associate with someone who doesn’t have an interest in at least one. I don’t know Patrick McCullagh from today.”

he added before cycling off in a new Carrera Virtuoso Road Bike to compete in a 60k charity race in Gweedore.

McCullagh’s father, ex champion pipe-smoker and backing singer in 1960s local band The Turfclodders, admitted he felt shame at his son’s recent revelations:

“There’s nothing wrong with our breed. In the 70s I’d the long hair and flared jeans like everyone else. Our Patrick maybe needs to be sent away somewhere like Jamaica or Russia where they accept all kinds. Dromore is not the place for off-radar lads like him.”

Meanwhile local PP Fr Turnett has warned women in the parish not to go down the beard route yet and to not be wearing short skirts when cycling to Mass.