Sausages before the attack

A New Zealand rugby fan has been arrested in Auckland after he set upon a stall in his local supermarket selling Cookstown products such as long-lasting sizzling sausages and bubbling bacon. 

Brett Smith, a retired front-row player for the Mount Albert Rovers, admitted to deliberately destroying the display in his local Sparra Sparra in a fit of bad temper after his beloved Kiwis were beaten by Ireland in Chicago at the weekend.

Speaking to a local radio station, supermarket owner Joe Mangel revealed how the usually mild-mannered Smith lost the run of himself when the result was announced over the PA system:

“We have a lot of Irish in Auckland and I thought it would be a bit of fun to congratulate them in public. I didn’t envisage the rage it would cause in some of our loyal customers. Smith just lost it and started running around trying to find Irish-made products to obliterate.”

CCTV footage caught Smith making a beeline for the sausage stand and kicking the whole display about the shop, stomping on the meat and yelling ‘take that, you leprechauns’.

“I’m just glad he didn’t see the Kerrymaid butter section. That would have been carnage. He even spear-tackled a life-sized Cillian Murphy cut-out ad which was promoting Guinness.”

Cookstown were unavailable for comment but meat experts were surprised to hear they sold Cookstown Sausages in New Zealand and suggested that it might possibly be some other place called Cookstown nearer the southern hemisphere.