In order to whip up county passion before the winner-takes-all Ulster Championship clash in a couple of months against Donegal, a dubious unofficial county merchandise company have jumped on the pandemic bandwagon to produce high quality ‘dreamy’ face masks for all ages.
You’re On Your Own Ltd have created a range of masks covering famous people, landmarks and songs from the county. Company spokesman Peter Pinkwhistle explained:
At this time, more than ever, we need Tyronnies to come together and show their support for our top players as they slug it out against the mountain men from Donegal. And how better to do that than have a bandaged dreamy Brian Dooher on your lips, or dribbling over the dreamy Ardboe Cross. The dreamy Blanket on the Ground one has already received over 500 orders, 498 of those from Pomeroy. They all have a highly technical dreamy effect outline done by my son on the Photoshop.”
The face masks retail at £9.99 and you can get a scarf and a hat thrown in for £20.
Future issues will included Ger Cavlan walking around Dungannon in jeans, John Lynch in leather on a motorbike in Urney and Sean Teague wrestling a horse with the one arm in a field near Kildress.
More men and women who aren’t that fond of sport and GAA in particular in Tyrone have been urged to speak out after a non-sporting anonymous clinic in Portrush revealed over half their members were from rural parts of the county.
One particular member, who has spent 44 years in Carrickmore listening to talk about Tyrone GAA and pretending to like it, wants more people like him to come forward and show the courage needed to talk freely about fashion, reality tv and world issues.
Patsy Gormley, whose father played for the club like his grandfather before that, revealed the extent of the continuous misery he has endured over the years:
“People don’t know how tough it’s been. I’ve no interest in it atall but if you admitted that, you’d be admitted yourself to a psychiatric ward. I’m sure people were suspicious of me because I’d be joining in and mixing up my Canavans, Cavlans, Cavanaghs and all. Last week I said to a boy at a wake that it was great that Canacavalagh was playing for another year. The place went quiet and I pretended to vomit.”
The clinic in Portrush, SID (Sport Is Dung), allows non-sporting Tyronians from traditional GAA heartlands to get together and share their experiences within the blanket of anonimity.
Gormley vowed to hold his head high in his community this week and engage in conversations about ISIS, the X-Factor or global warming with anyone willing to listen and will refuse to attend Carrickmore games from now onwards.
“They’re shite anyway. Sure Conor Gorbley is near 40.”
Membership of SID is free and meetings are held outside Barrys on Thursdays at 10pm. No football tops or hoodies.