Man struggles with invisible sandwich

A Dungannon sandwich bar has threatened to close up and move somewhere else, blaming locals for being ‘deadly whingers’ after they received 413 complaints in a week for not having any bread.

Customers were seen leaving Campbell’s Sandwich Bar shaking their heads and holding their tuna fillings or egg and onion mix in a small clear plastic bag. Campbell’s told customers it would be another week before they’d get the time to buy bread from the shops and that this was the way shops served sandwiches in places like Spain and France anyway.

Local man Kieran Hughes was having none of it:

“I’ve been to Spain loads of times and I know for a fact they have bread in their sandwich. The man is lying. Whoever heard of a breadless sandwich? I order a Club Sandwich and walked out holding chicken, bacon, tomato, lettuce and mayonnaise in my hands. It was dripping all over the place and ruined my clothes. I’ll not be back!”

Shop owner James Soupy Campbell reckoned people needed to lighten up a bit and to stop being picky about everything:

“People need to lighten up a bit and stop being picky about everything.”

The news follows reports of a shop near Coalisland called JJ’s Chips which has never served a chip since it opened two months ago. Our reporter ordered a fish supper as part of an undercover operation for Tyrone Tribulations and received a battered fish with one slice of unbuttered white bread and a sachet of salt from KFC.

On further inspection it turned out the fish had no batter on it but had clearly been beaten around the shop with a hammer or something. Our reporter gave it 7/10.

Stephen Nolan has been asked to do a programme on declining food standards in Tyrone.