Tensions between comedy duo Conor Grimes and Alan McKee are said to be simmering after the pair again failed to come to an agreement over who will play who in the 2-character film based on the Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky relationship of the 1990s, called ‘Holy Smokes, Bill!’.

McKee, who maintains Grimes looks most like the White House intern Lewinsky due to his shapely physique, is adamant that the £33m film will not go ahead if he doesn’t play the former US president:

“I don’t care about the money. Coming from Coleraine, me playing an esteemed world figure is more credible than someone from the backwoods of Tyrone. Also, I’m a dab hand at handling cigars, unlike my clean-living friend from Donaghmore.”

However Grimes, who has reportedly spent the £1m advance on a spoiler for his Vectra as well as generous donations to his local Church and a slap-up meal in the Cohannon Inn, remains steadfast in his refusal to take one for the team and play 42-year old Californian:

“McKee is being a dick about this. I’ve seen him in a blue dress and he looks the part. He’s claiming the beard is a stumbling block but sure maybe it could be a metaphor or something. To paraphrase the great man himself, ‘I will have sexual relations with that woman!’.”

The pair, who are currently performing in The History of the Peace…Accordin’ to my Ma!, have been given another seven days to settle on their roles before the offer is withdrawn.

Meanwhile, Hollywood directors are currently looking producing a film based on Owen Mulligan’s life so far with auditions beginning on Monday. Mulligan himself was refused a run-out to play himself after a high profile incident in Las Vegas this week involving a slot machine, a goat and a bit of blue piping.