The infamous Panama papers, documents which show the many ways in which the rich can exploit secretive offshore tax regimes, have identified over half a dozen Tyrone millionaires, all of whom made their fortune selling pallets.
Having identified on these pages the money which can be garnered selling the small wooden structural foundation of a unit load which allows handling and storage efficiencies a couple of years ago, the news comes as no surprise to many in the county with many others promising to look into offshore tax havens for their own ventures.
Dromore water-filter merchant Danny Devine admitted he’s now thinking of opening an account in the Isle of Man:
“I’ve a lock of pound built up from the water-filter craze in the 80s and have often been worried about ones from Trillick stealing it so I’ve decided to put my assets offshore to defend them from raids by them crooks.”
Financial advisors in the county have asked farmers and other rich citizens to think hard about investing their money outside the county as the knock-on effect within their own communities could be devastating.
Money guru Johnny Monroe advised:
“These boys making money from pallets are multi-millionaires. I’ve heard some in the county debating about opening an account in the British Virgin Islands and all they have is £200 from selling a car. People are hysterical now. You’d be best spending it in Sally’s and a pastie bap afterwards.”
Meanwhile, Barry McElduff has yet to deny he’s one of the Panama Seven despite driving around Carrickmore in a new Ford with a spoiler and wearing sunglasses and stuff like that.