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Swans On Anti-Depressants After Viewing Episodes Of EastEnders Through Flooded Derrytresk Man’s Window

682507383_4dd5c0fd4c_bA leading swan psychologist at the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds (RSPB) has confirmed he had to prescribe anti-depressants to a flock of swans who watched thirty-three episodes of EastEnders through the window of a house which had unfortunately witnessed high levels of flooding around it.

The swans, which were displaying heightened levels of agitated and violent behaviour towards their immediate families after viewing the programme, were said to be addicted to the goings-on in and around Albert Square and began impatiently pecking at the Derrytresk man’s window from sunrise, forcing Mr Quinn to stick on pre-recorded episodes of the English soap opera.

Professor Gilbery Mollyed explained:

“Because of the high levels of flooding, the swans were able to comfortably view what Dot Cotton and Phil Mitchell were up to on the fictional London community, through Mr Quinn’s good room window. However, the pessimisitc plotlines appear to have had a detrimental effect on the birds, causing them to become irrationally short-tempered with each other and develop unusual addictions to alcohol. I’ve had to prescribe over 500 doses of Prozac to just 200 Lough Neagh swans.

Mr Quinn, who was acutely aware of the Swans’ affection for the popular BBC show, revealed he attempted to wean them off the programme:

“They were fighting and slapping and flapping at each other to get a better view through my window and I couldn’t hear the damn show through their crying and squawking. I turned over to Mrs Brown’s Boys and they went clean mad pecking at my window to the point that I thought the house was going to come down around me. I had to return to an old recorded episode of EastEnders with Dirty Den in it to calm them down.

Mr Quinn also revealed they liked watching Emmerdale, the 7 O’Clock News on Channel 4 and The Angelus on RTE.

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