Moy Man Expresses Disappointment At Unused Snow Shovel
Reports from the Moy yesterday confirmed that a local man has admitted defeat and finally consigned his snow shovel to the back of the shed.
47-year old Iggy McGeary, a brick polisher from the Moy, expressed his disappointment at the arrival of March and the milder weather, but accepted that his brand new plastic snow shovel, purchased from Capper Fuels in autumn last year for £12.99, will now be relegated from its state of readiness outside the back door, to the rear of the shed next to the broken trampoline and the stick used for stirring paint.
“I’ve been looking forward to redding the path since last October”, McGeary lamented. “For the first time in years I was properly prepared. I had thon shiny new snow shovel, and a brand new pair of insoles for my wellies out of Costcutters. And then how much snow do we get all winter? Hee-haw, that’s how much. It’s a disgrace. I blame Barry McElduff and all that lot with their cost cuttings and budget savings, not wanting to pay for the gritting lorries and snow ploughs and such like”.
A self-confesses fresh air freak, McGeary maintains that his fondness of snow is shared around the neighbourhood.
“It’s not just me that misses it. All the kids round here love it. Remember we had over half foot of the stuff just a couple of years back? Lasted for days. My three cubs love it, and so does my wife. I heard her reminiscing on the phone last night to her pal, saying that it’s been ages since she woke up to a good six inches at her back door. And she’s right an’ all. I remember the days of proper snow, up to the top of the hedgerows. In June. Deadly”.
McGeary faced criticism from social services in 2008 during heavy snow when he took his family out for a snowball fight, including his 88-year old mother-in-law, Kitty.
“Ach, all that was exaggerated. Damp feet and soggy gloves were the worst of it really. Big deal. And how was I to know pacemakers were susceptible to the cold? She should have mentioned it. And once her artificial hip thawed out she was grand. It was a mighty day. Nothing wrong with a bit of fresh air and a plump of the white stuff”.
McGeary was last spotted by neighbours late yesterday evening, standing at the foot of his garden holding a bag of salt and squinting hopefully into the sky.