Experts Stumped Over Success Of Dung-Scented Toilet Roll

920x920Aromatherapists and perfume scientists at Queen’s University have admitted to being at a loss to explain the commercial success of a Fintona-based company’s dung-scented toilet roll product.

The product, Keeper Clean, has sold over 200’000 units since its launch last week, making the new company, Red Hand Wipes, a profit of £o.5m after tax.

The idea is the brainchild of Phelim McClafferty, who stumbled upon the idea whilst out walking on the Tattymoyle Road earlier in the year. Noting how happy he felt when passing a field with freshly spread manure on it, the Fintona entrepreneur experienced a major brainwave:

“Whether we like to admit it or not, country people have a natural dispensation towards the smell of agricultural produce, and that includes all forms of excrement. It gives us a natural high and is often thought of as an aphrodisiac in some parts of the county. So I put two and two together and got five. To be brutally honest, I’d no idea what I was doing and still can’t make sense of it, but it’s making me a wealthy man.”

Shopkeepers have reported sporadic fights in stores as far away as Strabane over the Keeper Clean Dung-Scented Toilet Roll as shelves are bare within minutes of a refill of the product. PSNI have urged shoppers to stay calm as the company have promised another five million units of the product are in the final stages of production.

Queen’s University chief scientist Dr Hillary Twelvetrees added:

“It makes no sense at all. Walking into one of the bathrooms containing the Keeper Clean Dung-Scented Toilet Roll must be an overpowering experience. The more I think of it, country people are pure mental.”

The toilet roll can be bought for £5.99.

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About Gombeen

Trying hard to make it up.

Posted on September 26, 2016, in Fintona and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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