Omagh this evening

Following the postponement of the replayed Tyrone final between Killyclogher and Coalisland, a Tattyreagh priest warned the Omagh club that the weather will never be kind to them as long as they continue to pay homage to St Enda, the patron saint of flooding and drenchings.

St Enda, who was a lethal soldier in his day until his sister told him to quit the killing, was known for his ability to conjure serious bad weather, whether it was a call to military arms or the building of new monastery somewhere on an island. Fr McCabe maintains he lectured Omagh GAA officials that they’d have bad luck with his name:

“St Enda was a disaster with the weather. He once commissioned the building of a grotto in Glenelly and three men working on it perished with the cold, and it the middle of July. It’s no wonder that the Omagh pitch is no better than Dungannon swimming pool on its best days.”

However, the Chairman of St Enda’s in Glengormley Co Antrim maintains that this theory is ‘a load of shite’ and that ‘Omagh was always a bog of a field, saint or no saint’.

Meanwhile, it has emerged that a misunderstanding between county officials resulted in an alternative venue being overlooked in the event of bad weather. When asked to book a Plan B for Sunday, the treasurer hired London-born Plan B – the hip-hop recording artist – who insisted he was still paid for flying over to Omagh at short notice for what he thought was the half-time show.

Finally, Frank Mitchell has denied reports that he told Barra Best to tell Adrian Logan that Sunday would be the warmest day of the year. Logan has shouldered a lot of the blame for Sunday’s fiasco after tweeting his followers to bring their sun lotion on Sunday as he had it on good authority it’d be a scorcher. Mitchell and Logan fell out last year over the paying of a round of drinks at the George Best airport.