Scientists from across the globe have descended on Omagh today after it emerged that despite consecutive days of over thirty degree heat, an U16 match in Healy Park had to abandoned due to a waterlogged pitch yesterday. 

With a hosepipe ban already in force, environmental boffins from as far as California and Cappagh are stumped as to how the Omagh sod remains unplayable after such a relentlessly hot period of weather.

Manager of Gortin U16s, Paddy Coyle, vented:

“Frig sake.”

Calls for the official county ground to be moved to Dungannon have increased overnight with East Tyrone Lord Mayor Ginny Campbell adamant that this was the last straw:

“There hasn’t been a dry pitch in Omagh in my living memory. That’s why the Omagh ones always have dirty legs on holidays in Portugal. You can spot them a mile away. Dungannon is the multi-cultural capital of Ireland. It’s time we won back what is rightfully ours.”

Although it’s early days for a diagnosis, scientists are pointing to a phenomenon of the ‘anti-vanishing lake’ theory as a possible explanation for the Healy Park dampness. This theory suggests that there is a permanent invisible rain cloud over the ground which also explains why Joe McMahon and Ronan O’Neill always have slick hair.