By Aughohilly Schniffles

It is believed that following the viewing of a single episode of Joe Mahon’s latest UTV series online, and after briefly bumping into Malachi Cush in Washington, the President of the United States Donald Trump has asserted in a tweet that Lough Neagh belongs firmly to the ‘people of Throne’, and that he would stand firmly behind them should anyone else dispute the fact.

It is unknown if any bordering county is planning a coup or aims to annex the lovely water that is yet to be bottled and sold, due to its brown colour and fragrant essence.

In the tweet on Friday 9th November 2018, President Trump stated that the lough has always belonged to the people of Tyrone, although managing to spell the name of the county incorrectly. Trump then mistakenly pointed out in comments beneath his own tweet that the lough belonged to The Red Hand County following a boat race where  Owen Roe O’Neill somehow cut off his own two hands with a spoon and threw them in onto a slide at the Washingbay playground in 1980 to win the sports day 100m race.

The great news shared by Mr Trump has been retweeted 13,992 times and has received over 9,000 likes from people including Sean Cavanagh, Plunkett Donaghy and Philip Jordan of the Moy, Joe Brolly’s Mother, Kim Jung il, Dennis Rodman, Tito Jackson formerly of the Jackson 5 who recently revealed his Coalisland connections, Tyson Fury the heavyweight boxer, and unsurprisingly Joe Mahon.

Trump posted the tweet along with a cartoon picture of him sitting on a tomahawk missile. It is yet to be confirmed if this indicates his wishes to open a new arms plant at the Ardboe Aerodrome next spring.