Money has finally been released by the Department of Improvement to rewild virile Tyrone men in the heartland of county Derry in order to boost athletic achievement, despite rioting from local men who maintain it should be the other way about.

The idea, which was hatched in 2019 when Derry was at a low ebb on the GAA field, will see over 100 Tyrone men relocated to temporary accommodation in Swatragh and Dungiven, and encouraged to go to dances and integrate themselves into parish raffles, bazaars, and tombolas.

News of the release of funds was met with a riot between Dungiven men and local politicians who sanctioned the initiative four years ago.

Dungiven stalwart Gerry McGonigle fumed:

“Sure we’re better than them now. It should be the other way about if Tyrone want to be winning stuff. Rewild us in Cookstown and Carrickmore I say. I understand Swatragh getting a bit of help but sure all they needed was to have a few Slaughtneil men thrown into the area, sur.”

Several cars were overturned in the Swatragh area with graffiti reading ‘get back to the bushes yiz red hand bastids‘ daubed on a wall near Maghera.