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Street Parties Commence In Coalisland For Elton John’s Wedding

Elton in his beloved Fianna outfit

Elton in his beloved Fianna outfit

The mood in Coalisland has been described as ‘joyous’ and ‘celebratory’ after news filtered through of Elton John’s marriage to his long-term partner David Furnish.

Locals also confirmed that a delegation from the town flew over to Berkshire, England to celebrate Elton’s big day by singing songs outside his mansion and to give him a gift from the people in the town – ¬£3o worth of vouchers to be spent in Frank McGirr’s clothing and accessories store before May 2015.

The Elton John/Coalisland affiliation has been an open secret for years now after Elton revealed his song ‘I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues’ was about the time he watched Coalisland Fianna GFC lose to Aghyaran in the 1981 Intermediate Final. Local historian and big Elton fan Ronnie McSherry added:

“Yes, Elton was gutted that day Aghyaran beat us. He was a big fan of the Blues and so combined his feeling of despondency with his love for the Fianna¬†and came up with ‘I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues’ which we play before the start of every home game as well at the end of dances at the weekends. We love the man here. We wish Elton and David all the best.”

McSherry’s views were not widely held as a large proportion of the town’s prolific gay community admitted to feeling insanely jealous and singing ‘Don’t Go Breaking My Heart’ over and over. Tensions were said to be high this afternoon as members of the town’s hetrosexual community taunted them with renditions of ‘I Wanna Kiss The Bride’ outside the off-licence.

Local priest Fr Lyons has appealed for calm between the two factions but admitted that Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word.

Meanwhile, the road between Coalisland and Stewartstown has now reopened after the sighting of a ghost was confirmed as an on-the-run returning home for Christmas week.

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