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Uproar As Kicking Tyres Removed From Car Mechanic Exam

kicking-tyres-729Budding car mechanics across the county are currently reconsidering their career options as it emerged that the National Mechanic Exam Association have removed the final module named ‘Kicking Tyres’ from the examination, despite it being rated no.1 on the ‘How You Know a Good Mechanic’ Which? Magazine survey last year.

The controversial move, which has been described as bureaucracy gone mad, comes into effect at midnight tonight in counties Armagh, Derry and Tyrone. 68-year old mechanic Patsy Muldoon from The Rock maintains he is a lucky man to be leaving the profession and pities the young aspiring car enthusiasts of today:

“I saw this coming. In 2004 they banned car mechanics from tutting and shaking their heads before diagnosing a faulty motor. It was only a matter of time before tyre kicking got the road. See these decision makers – they’re nothing but a shower of goats. I’d doubt any would know a spark plug from a crankshaft. Or even where the engine is.”

Muldoon, who claims to have serviced over 46’000 cars including a 1933 Wolseley added:

“I’ve been kicking tyres since 1949. I know plenty of customers who admitted afterwards that when I started kicking the tyres it softened the blow of my astronomical job quotes as I clearly knew what I was doing. How can anyone trust a fresh mechanic again if the young ones are being told not to kick tyres? I can see the whole business going underground with unqualified mechanics who kick tyres getting all the work and good luck to them.”

Meanwhile, a Moortown driver has been blamed for a fleet of Ford Focus cars being wrongly recalled for a strange persistent rustling noise after he realised he had been sitting on a packet of Tayto which was under his cushion since November.

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Controversy At ‘Edendork’s Got Talent’. Teagues Out.

Last year's winners

Last year’s winners

Minolta DSCBy Pat Muckles

Brother and Sister Synchronised Bog Snorkelling Act ‘Get Shucked’ voted out of Edendork’s Got Talent.

It was to deafening chants of “Teagues Out” and “Kill All Teagues” that brother and sister Bog Snorkelling Act ‘Get Shucked’ aka Micky and Petra Teague, walked off stage last night at Edendork’s Got Talent.

The pair’s campaign to become 2013 EGT winners had been dogged with controversy throughout with accusations of vote-rigging refusing to go away, publication of fake back stories (they claimed their pet goat Malachi had perished in a bog back in 2003) and, after an interview in The Tyrone Times,  a perception that they were getting big-headed. Some also claimed they were just copying last year’s winners, Bog Snorkling Sopranos from Fintona.

The duo had found themselves in the bottom two along with Crisp ‘N’ Fly (aka Manus McMahon who made all types of crisp sandwiches on stage) leaving their survival to an already partisan audience.

Get Shucked fought for their place by performing Madonna’s ‘Like A Virgin’ in full bog-snorkling regalia, with McMahon once again demonstrating his skills in the mass construction of cheese & onion crisp sandwiches.

Liam Collins, an avid reality show fan from Beragh, old us:

“They never stood a chance. Performing ‘Like A Virgin’ with your sister is hard at the best of times but you add 300 hundred odd people shouting ‘Teagues Out’ and you’re snookered. I think the story about Malachi the Goat rubbed a few people up the wrong way.”

Majella McKenna from Donaghmore reckoned it was a dangerously poisonous atmosphere:

“I’ll not lie, there was a fair bitta juice put away and some got a bit carried away.  At the end, there were even a few boys shouting ‘Kill All Teagues’ which, if you know those Teagues, there’s a lot of them and it would take a long time to do.”

Tribulations had invited The Teagues to contribute but were told by a spokesperson that no comment would be made available at this time.

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