Following the furore of Gregory Campbell’s mockery of the Irish language during a Northern Ireland Assembly meeting yesterday, a Killyman entrepreneur has been accused as ‘being as bad as the DUP man’ after setting up shop on the side of the road outside the village, selling a curry yoghurt and a tin of ‘Coca Coalyer’ for a pound this morning.
Teddy Og McKenna, who has a history of cashing in on controversial events, maintains he made £300 in one hour with his novelty meal deal:
“I did get a bit of abuse from family and friends but a serious crowd from Moygashel and Newmills arrived when word got out. Them boys are the salt of the earth, and them from the other side of the house to me too. Deadly friendly.”
Teddy Og’s father Teddy Snr lambasted his son, calling him an ‘oul bollocks’ and a crook:
“This is not the first time our Teddy has stooped to this level. When Sammy Wilson was photographed running through fields in the nude a few years ago, he sold a range of invisible clothes at the same spot in the road called ‘Emperor Sammy’s New Clothes’. He sold 36 units to a pile of lads from Carrickmore and Galbally. 36 units of nothing on a hanger at £22 a shot.”
Meanwhile, the Irish News food critic sampled the curry yoghurt and labelled it ‘one of the best culinary experiences of my life’ and that the meal was ‘like a ballet of heavenly angels dancing on my palate’. It was later revealed she was still half-drunk from a charity Night At The Races in The Moy the previous night.
Farmers across the country made over a hundred complaints following the start of a new on-line channel specifically aimed at the farming market, called Ewe Tube.
Brainchild of IT programmer Danny McCann from Sion Mills, the subscription-based internet service went live at the weekend, promising ‘news and views, farms and fields, walking and wellies’ to subscribers. However, many viewers were left feeling disappointed and patronised by the service.
“I was expecting to get a Tyrone version of Countryfile”, fumed farmer Dessie Dillon from near Creggan. “Instead he just had sheep photos and videos off the internet, which included a sheep rolling over a cattle grid, a sheep wearing a Tyrone jersey, and a sheep sneezing. How can he call that ‘news and views’, the hoor? I want my £1.49 back. It’s a disgrace. Although the sheep sneezing was pure class”, he admitted.
Sean McKillop, a farmer from Altmore, also voiced his dissatisfaction.
“I spent a week installing one of thon new fangled dial-up connections for the computer yolk so I could watch it”, he complained. “But the stuff they had on was cat. And by that I mean sheep. Danny McCann? Danny Mc-Bloody-Can’t as far as I’m concerned. All it had on was endless picters of sheep. What’s the point of that? I wouldn’t have minded so much if there had been a few good-looking ones. Is he going to do one with cows, maybe Fresians?” he asked hopefully.
McCann had to defend other criticisms, including plagiarising the channel’s name from a weak joke that had been doing the rounds for years, and of publishing pictures of new born lambs frolicking in a field alongside a recipe for lamb bhuna curry.
“Look, this is what viewers want”, he insisted. “This is a first in Tyrone and the world. It’s unique. I’ve had lots of positive feedback on it so far, so they can shove their criticism. In fact, maybe that should be, ‘ewe-nique’”, he said, before braying with laughter at his own joke.
This weekend will see the launch of a new pay-per-view service, ‘Ram-Cam’.