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Cookstown IT Shop Workers Break World Record For Non-Verbal Communication On Staff Night Out

An artist's impression of the night out

An artist’s impression of the night out

The bar manager at Bar 15 in Belfast confirmed this morning, with the aid of CCTV footage, that a group of co-workers from Cookstown managed to break the 2-hour barrier for non-verbal communication on their annual night out in the big city.

The 5 workers from ‘That IT Shower’ on Molesworth Street all managed to ‘check in’ on Facebook, post a combined 45 pictures of their cocktails on Instagram and browse the latest developments on the Strictly Come Dancing potential line-up on Twitter for two hours and five minutes before a Team Leader asked the rest of the group if anyone wanted another drink.

Waitress Abba Edberg from Sweden added:

“It was a quite remarkable feat. When they all took an individual selfie within the first five minutes I knew we could be onto a new world record here as they spent the next 25 minutes checking to see who liked their picture. Then the Instagramming started and it was all downhill from there. They are a resilient bunch. Oh how we cheered behind the bar when they reached the 2-hour mark.”

One of ‘That IT Shower’ workers told us this morning that it was the best staff night out ever. Billy Sheehy (40) remarked:

“It was deadly craic. I got 210 likes for my selfie, 44 likes for an Instagram of my Margarita with sepia filter and how I laughed at some of the comments on Twitter about Daniel O’Donnell’s appearance on SCD. We’re just a mad bunch of lads and I cannot wait personally until next year’s do. I’m suffering today though…my battery’s dead.”

The previous record for staff night out non-verbal communication occured in 1998 at the joint Sinn Fein and DUP fancy dress party at Stormont which lasted 1 hour and 45 minutes, ending when Martin McGuinness told a dirty joke about a woman in Portrush.

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Anger From Farming Community At ‘Ewe Tube’ On-Line Channel

WolfwithSheep1

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Farmers across the country made over a hundred complaints following the start of a new on-line channel specifically aimed at the farming market, called Ewe Tube.

Brainchild of IT programmer Danny McCann from Sion Mills, the subscription-based internet service went live at the weekend, promising ‘news and views, farms and fields, walking and wellies’ to subscribers. However, many viewers were left feeling disappointed and patronised by the service.

“I was expecting to get a Tyrone version of Countryfile”, fumed farmer Dessie Dillon from near Creggan. “Instead he just had sheep photos and videos off the internet, which included a sheep rolling over a cattle grid, a sheep wearing a Tyrone jersey, and a sheep sneezing. How can he call that ‘news and views’, the hoor? I want my £1.49 back. It’s a disgrace. Although the sheep sneezing was pure class”, he admitted.

Sean McKillop, a farmer from Altmore, also voiced his dissatisfaction.

“I spent a week installing one of thon new fangled dial-up connections for the computer yolk so I could watch it”, he complained. “But the stuff they had on was cat. And by that I mean sheep. Danny McCann? Danny Mc-Bloody-Can’t as far as I’m concerned. All it had on was endless picters of sheep. What’s the point of that? I wouldn’t have minded so much if there had been a few good-looking ones. Is he going to do one with cows, maybe Fresians?” he asked hopefully.

McCann had to defend other criticisms, including plagiarising the channel’s name from a weak joke that had been doing the rounds for years, and of publishing pictures of new born lambs frolicking in a field alongside a recipe for lamb bhuna curry.

“Look, this is what viewers want”, he insisted. “This is a first in Tyrone and the world. It’s unique. I’ve had lots of positive feedback on it so far, so they can shove their criticism. In fact, maybe that should be, ‘ewe-nique’”, he said, before braying with laughter at his own joke.

This weekend will see the launch of a new pay-per-view service, ‘Ram-Cam’.

paul g moss

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