Three Dungannon barbers have pleaded for no more customers after working flat out since last Sunday when it was announced that Dungannon Clarkes GAA club would play live on TV for the first time ever.
Timmy Timlin (56) admitted he had a mini-breakdown on Wednesday after 67 cuts within the first 3 hours, the majority asking for blonde highlights as well.
There were even lads like oul Colton the hurler walking in and him with frig all to work with. I gave him a Mohican and charged him a fiver. It’s just mental. I really worry if they get to the final. I can only do a two at the sides and one on the top really. The Mohican was easy.
Adrian Logan and Darren Clarke are also rumoured to be attending tomorrow night as well as Ken Maginnis, or Baron Maginnis of Drumglass as he prefers to be called at matches.
Dungannon will play Errigal Ciaran tomorrow live on RTE at 7.30pm and will be screened live at Curley’s.
A Fermanagh and South Tyrone Independent candidate who promised to get rid of all the snakes in the constituency and secure free Sudocrem Antiseptic Healing Cream for everyone over 60 has reacted angrily to the news that he received only four votes – that of himself, his wife and only two of his four voting children.
The constituency, which saw a close fight between Michelle Gildernew and Tom Elliot, was one of the few areas which allowed all candidates to make a speech after the result, and Paddy Kelly took the opportunity to berate everyone in the counties of Fermanagh and Tyrone cursing them for the next 100 years in Latin.
Kelly, from Benburb, began his speech thanking other candidates for a clean campaign before turning on the voters:
“It was a fair fight and congratulations to Mr Elliot. However, I’ve something to tell the people of Fermanagh and South Tyrone. F**k yiz all. Yiz must be happy with the snakes and the itchy arses. I’d have cleaned all that up for yiz but yiz just see Orange and Green. And to the two of my own children who didn’t vote for me….let’s just say there’ll be a change to the Will on Monday morning.”
Mr Kelly closed his eyes, held his hands up the the heavens and exclaimed:
“Es mundus excrementi”
which means “You are all a pile of shite” before cursing the area with bad weather and vicious snakes for the next 100 summers.
Meanwhile Tom Elliot and Michelle Gildernew were spotted heading into a luxurious restaurant together in Dungannon laughing and joking although one punter snapped a photo of Gildernew rolling her eyes after Elliot told a simple joke she’d heard before. The traditional meal between first and second in the area was first thought of when Francie Molloy offered to buy Ken Maginnis a steak in 1992.