Blog Archives
Harte Sets Sights On Reclaiming Cookstown, Ardboe & Greencastle Into Greater Derry As Well As Turning Flag Upside Down
A leaked document has revealed that Mickey Harte will approach Owen Mulligan, Brian McGuigan and Sean Teague to be the faces of a new ‘Greater Derry’ campaign, activating an old geographical claim dating back to 1782 to some of north Tyrone.
Harte has also approached Derry GAA HQ to ask if they would consider having the white part of the flag closer to the pole and promoting a new supporter chant ‘Derry, yer on yer own, sir’.
In a final demand, Mickey’s second-in-command Horse Devlin is to be given a caravan in Ballyronan for family holidays with spectacular views of the Lough, a free boat ride from the Marina once a month, and tickets to Dana’s next concert.
The family of Mulligan has revealed concerns that his hair has started to turn ginger again because of stress since the news of Cookstown’s possible move into the Oak Leaf. Sean Teague was spotted punching the Sperrin Mountains above Greencastle in anger, whilst Brian McGuigan has embraced the idea of becoming a Derry man if it brings more customers to the pub.
A third cousin of Joe Brolly from Maghera told us:
“This is like Barry McElduff donning a sash and bating a lambeg through Carrickmore. Rub it up them Tyrone ones. We might be inbred but Sam’s coming home next year. Derry amongst the bushes!”
The EU has offered military reinforcements for the Tyrone Derry NFL game next year.
GAA Furiously Add More Conditions To New Cup-Lifting Rule.
Angered by the negative feedback across a number of sources, GAA officials have decided to go for the jugular by adding even more rules to their new directive that now prevents joint captains from accepting a cup in an official presentation.
A circular emailed to all county boards this morning indicated that only the best looking player may collect the cup in order to ‘tidy up presentations even more’. A second condition included the directive that the cup may only be lifted at a 75 degree angle and that no winking or pointing is allowed either.
Explaining the decision, Rules Rector Gerry Murphy added:
“We’re now on the Sky television. We can’t have captains with teeth missing pointing at team mates and shouting things like ‘go on ye hoor ye’ into a microphone. You wouldn’t get that at the end of the snooker championship or at Wimbledon. And I’ll hear no more about it.”
Murphy also confirmed that Sean Teague’s trophy lift would definitely not be allowed today and that he’s looking at revoking that title win for Tyrone. He is looking for volunteers to go and tell Teague.
Tyrone Themed Hats, Scarves and ‘Dreamy’ Face Masks On Sale For Donegal Clash
In order to whip up county passion before the winner-takes-all Ulster Championship clash in a couple of months against Donegal, a dubious unofficial county merchandise company have jumped on the pandemic bandwagon to produce high quality ‘dreamy’ face masks for all ages.
You’re On Your Own Ltd have created a range of masks covering famous people, landmarks and songs from the county. Company spokesman Peter Pinkwhistle explained:
At this time, more than ever, we need Tyronnies to come together and show their support for our top players as they slug it out against the mountain men from Donegal. And how better to do that than have a bandaged dreamy Brian Dooher on your lips, or dribbling over the dreamy Ardboe Cross. The dreamy Blanket on the Ground one has already received over 500 orders, 498 of those from Pomeroy. They all have a highly technical dreamy effect outline done by my son on the Photoshop.”
The face masks retail at £9.99 and you can get a scarf and a hat thrown in for £20.
Future issues will included Ger Cavlan walking around Dungannon in jeans, John Lynch in leather on a motorbike in Urney and Sean Teague wrestling a horse with the one arm in a field near Kildress.
Tyrone Tribulations 