Families fight outside Pirates of the Caribbean chips kiosk

A Killyman teacher has urged the French Tourist Board to issue a health warning for any parents hoping to purchase tickets for the entertainment resort in Marne-la-Vallée, just a bit up the road from Paris.

Tony McKenner, a 40-year old father of three, was made to go to the attraction as a birthday surprise for his 6-year old daughter and returned vowing never to set foot in any amusements again, even Portrush.

“It’s the most miserable experience anyone could put themselves through. It was bad enough forking out 75 Euros for three sets of Mickey Mouse ears before we’d time to look around us, but then we queued for an hour to get on a ghost train which drove slowly through a house that wasn’t scary. However, I expected all that.”

McKenner maintains he failed to see anyone smile during the 6-hour ordeal:

“Sisters were kicking brothers. Brothers were whacking sisters. Mothers were pulling the ears off children, some which were not their own. Fathers were staring vacantly into the distance, ignoring the pleas of wives urging them to shout at the children with sore ears. All this was happening in the queue for an ice cream.”

The Killyman educationalist believes the resort’s backroom team Photoshop pictures to convince punters that they had a really good time:

“I came off the Buzz Lightyear Laser Blast thinking that was dung. We were then handed the photos and I was grinning from ear to ear. Now I’m starting to believe I actually had a really good time. But I know what I saw and experienced and I’m nearly sure it was horrendous. I definitely remember giving the child in the car in front of me the middle finger for shining his laser gun in my eyes.”

McKenner claims the big parade at the end was a celebration of the fact that the ordeal was at an end and that was why parents and children appeared to be generally in good spirits during it.

“I’d imagine it’s worse than childbirth,”

added McKenner whilst receiving a dirty look from his wife.