By Aughoughilley Schniffles 

Following the demolishing of the Coalisland Barracks this week, the Mid-Ulster council have launched a competition to the public as to what should replace it. 

Already there have been over 300 suggestions ranging from a new cinema where the currency is jam jars to a corn mill that actually sells corn.

Early indications show that the idea which has garnered most votes was the suggestion of the erection of a massive hand with the middle finger raised, pointing in the direction of Brackaville, closely followed by a Coalisland Fianna Centre of Excellence which rival wags from Clonoe have renamed the Coalisland Centre of Continued Mediocrity after yesterday’s heavy defeat in the county final.

Tyrone Tribulations got out and about in the town today to ask for ideas. The following list are a snapshot of the suggestions collated during a 3-hour period standing outside Tam Sullivans:

• a ski slope
• a digger-driver training centre
• an international airport
• a ‘Deadly Craic’ theatre
• a lethal chicane for doing handbrake turns coming off Plater’s Hill
• a big triangular spin washing line
• a checked shirt shop
• a boxing ring with barbed wire for ropes to settle family disputes
• a massive catapult to send parcels to family members down south or in England
• an arms dump (for old or broken prosthetic ams)
• a statue to Garth Brooks

The new initiative has created great buzz around the town and surrounding areas although rumours tonight suggest that the Planning Department may be considering a new PSNI station.

The idea of an 18-hole crazy golf course full of old bombed out helicopters for the more nostalgic ‘Islanders was thrown out as contentious.