Derry practising for Sunday

Tyrone spies at recent Derry training camps have confirmed that the Derry management are to forge ahead with their new game-plan of having at least three men standing on the crossbar any time Tyrone attack. 

In order to curb the recent trend of losing heavily to the Red Hand County, it is believed that the Derry management have trawled the rule books to find a loophole which would give the Oak Leafers an advantage during game-time.

An Edendork spy, who is also posing as a Derry backroom team member, said they especially chose roofers in the squad who have no problems with heights and balancing precariously:

We all know Tyrone don’t do goals, especially with McAliskey injured, so in order to stop them scoring 0-20 against us again, Derry have decided to stick at least three tall men on top of the crossbar, and then have the remaining 12 players in defence. A lot of them Tyrone boys have small legs so we worked out that 79% of their shots just clear the crossbar and no more. It’s genius.”

It is also believe that Mickey Harte has been aware of this tactic to be used against them for some time now and, instead of trying to go for goals which they are not good at, big-biceped players like Mattie Donnelly and Mark Bradley will run towards the posts and shake them when Tyrone attack, especially when Morgan is taking a free kick, in the hope of tumbling the Derry roofers.

Again, we can confirm that there’s no rule against this in the official GAA handbook.

Derry are also rumoured to be showering before the game in order to confuse their Tyrone opponents who have trained recently again Derry teams in order to acclimatise to the stench.