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Kildress Father Gets Cufflinks Again For Father’s Day. Hits The Drink.

5-funny-gifts-for-groomsmen-cufflinks__fullA Kildress father of 10 has been drinking since 8am this morning after being given another set of cufflinks for Father’s Day by his children. Patsy McClean, a 47 year old oil baron, immediately cracked open a bottle of Pinot Grigio and is reportedly on his third bottle at midday. Before incoherence set in, he told us:

“That’s fourteen sets of buckin cufflinks I own now. FOURTEEN! And do you know what the best of it is, I don’t even own a shirt with sleeves on it. Everyone knows that Kildress men wear short sleeves all year around, apart from that lad who dared to wear a long-sleeved effort in 1988 at the missions. He was burned out of it. Cufflinks for feck sake. What’s wrong with a spanner or sandals? Can these children not buckin think for one day in the year?”

McClean’s wife is denying any knowledge of the purchase but admits she thought they were nice ones with a picture of Padre Pio on one of them and Louis Walsh on the other:

“Ach, Patsy gets easily upset about these things. Like, last Christmas I got him another packet of Portrush Rock as I remember he told me years ago that he liked the look of them. OK, that’s the tenth year running I’ve got him the rock but this year he flipped out and went on a rampage around Kildress kicking hedges and stuff. He’s a wee bit sensitive in his middle age”.

Neighbour Gary Hurson, sporting a flashing pair of shamrock cufflinks, reckons it’s going to cut up rough before the day’s out:

“He’s fairly wolfing down that wine stuff. I can hear him singing The Men Behind The Wire already. It’s only a matter of time before he’s bare-chested, fighting the eldest sons out in the garden. This is gonna be some craic”.

Tyrone Lord Mayor Dermot Donnelly has set up a helpline to council fathers who have been forgotten about by lazy children.

paul g moss

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