Blog Archives

Ardboe’s Famous Bull Might Be Gay. Worse Than Recession.

Don Juan, not in the mood

Don Juan, not in the mood

The famous Ardboe Bull, who services up to 1400 cows in the village on a yearly basis, has reportedly shown signs that he may now be gay, throwing the livelihoods of hundreds in the area into disarray. Affectionately nicknamed ‘Don Juan DeMarco’, the Red Angus had been valued at over £3m such is his handsome, wide muzzle, stunning scrotal circumference and solid square frame. His reputation was so impressive that cattle used to break out of other farms and make their way to Don for the service. However, recent developments have stunned the farming community who have lived off Don’s impressive exploits since 2006. His owner, Kieran McGuigan, is of no doubt that his bull’s whoring and touring days are about to change dramatically.

 “To be honest, I saw it coming. Last year I caught him a few times servicing cattle whilst staring at John McCallion’s bull across the rampart. I told the lads down the pub that it was as if he was winking at the other bull. They ridiculed me but we’ll see who’s doing the ridiculing now when their cattle remain unserviced for the foreseeable future. It’s an awful blow to Ardboe. I’m not saying I’m homophobic. Some even say this could be the making of Ardboe. I’m all on for individual expression but, let’s be honest, this is an awful kick in the balls. Why couldn’t he have waited til he was done with the servicing? I’d be happy enough for him to see out the rest of his days in the company of McCallion’s bull who we all know is gay. They could’ve had a blissful retirement staring into the sunset together. There’ll be tough times in Ardboe now I’ll tell ye”

Worried locals have refused to give up hope and that spirit was exemplified in Hugh McConville’s approach:

“Ghost-oh! I need Don firing on all cylinders or I’m bankrupt. I went out today and bought Lionel Richie’s greatest hits. Let’s see if the oul hoor can resist my cattle with ‘Hello’ or ‘Three Times A Lady’ blasting out in the background. Works for me after a feed in the Battery.”

Ardboe holds its breath.

Advertisements
paul g moss

Theories in Education

Ground*ed Hito

Be the light of your own kind.

Scribbles from me to you

My poetry & prose

Life with Saoirse

The ups, downs, laughter and tears of life in a complex family

Kilbarchan Pipe Band Blog

Registered Charity SC045878

The Media Student's Book Blog

Film and media education

LUCID NOW🌜

LUCID BEING - STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS

In Dianes Kitchen

Recipes showing step by step directions with pictures and gadget reviews

Video Games Guide - PS Vita, PS3, Xbox , Wii - BestVideoGames.site

Video Games Guide - PS Vita, PS3, Xbox , Wii

Naturesl0vers

All about nature

Dining with Donald

Donald on Dining in and Out.

Fourteen Lines

A Sonnet Obsession

The Irish Peace Process

Catholic Afterthoughts

Ryan Harper Writing

Short Stories, Poems and Songs and random observations

%d bloggers like this: