Peter from Pomeroy. 2nd place.

The 2013 Clogher Valley Agricultural show held yesterday has been labelled as the most controversial ever after a rise in cattle accessories was evident from the first adjudication of the Pedigree Aberdeen Angus Bull category. Matters took a turn for the surreal when a panto cow found itself at the wrong venue but still managed to take home Ayrshire Cow Derby derby crown.

Traditionalists were left shaking their heads when more than half of the Angus Bulls were seen sporting dreadlocks, comb-overs and all manner of fancy coiffures. Peter McMeel, a veteran of the show from 1922, says he’ll not be back:

“What in under God is going on in this country? It was bad enough seeing the older bulls with side-partings and mohicans, but the bull calves were at it too. The Aberdeen Angus Bull Calf that won had a comb-over dreadlock. For the love of God. What next, lipstick and mini-skirts on the Hereford Heifers?”

Older viewers were taken aback when the Pedigree Charolais Bull Calf category was won by a calf with a ‘scrunchie’ coupled with a plaited ponytail. McMeel added:

“I’m not a stuffy character who is resistant to change. But, for jaysus sake, what is this competition all about then? It has turned into the way Irish Dancing is now. There’s talk that the winning Pedigree Limousin Heifer born in 2011 was wearing stockings. There was some crowd of oul lads gathering to watch that one”.

The day ended in controversy when two lads who were appearing as a panto cow in a play in Augher took a wrong turn and ended up winning Ayrshire Derby. An enquiry has been launched by the International Cattle Judging Committee after ‘peculiar betting trends’ were noticed in a Dungannon bookmaker with heavy bets of up to £20 placed on the actors to win the derby.