Tyrone Ones Urged Not To Blow £100 Voucher On Brown Shoes, Jeans, CB Radios, Red Diesel, Crisps and Mineral
The brains behind the £100 high-street voucher scheme have asked Tyrone people to hold back on blowing the entire card on things they’d normally purchase weekly anyway such as smoke machines, blonde highlights, half-time draws, caravans in Donegal, Buckfast, spades and 50ps for the snooker table.
Despite no one having received the voucher yet, queues have already formed outside Cookstown in readiness for Saturday’s market with Wrangler Jeans on top of most people’s lists as well as Lynx Africa, cords, fishing hooks, diffing magazines and corned beef.
Stories have already emerged of gangs of Tyrone men grouping together to spend their combined vouchers on kitting out car interiors with furry steering wheel covers and low-down bucket car seats with many women snapping up three years’ worth of Nathan Carter concerts.
Local SF councillor Daithi McGleenan has asked his county people not to rush into spending the £100 in one visit:
“I urge you all to calm. There’s no point in buying 20 Tyrone headbands in Begley’s and having nothing left within 5 minutes of getting it. Not that I’ve anything against Begley’s.”
One Augher man has already challenged the scheme and how it is distributed. He has asked for it to be paid in 100 £1 coins which he can use for the trolleys in Enniskillen.
Worzel Gummidge, a scarecrow that could come to life and lived in Ten Acre Field, was modelled on any number of men you’d find wandering aimlessly around Omagh, Killyclogher, Tattyreagh, Strabane or Dromore according to two producers who worked on the show during 1979 and 1981.
Gummidge, whose catchphrase was ‘A cup o’ tea an’ a slice o’ cake‘, was played by John Pertwee with his love interest coming from Aunt Sally acted by Una Stubbs.
In his memoir, producer Kenny Rainhome admitted:
“I was visiting cousins in Tyrone in 1978 and was amazed at the way nearly every fellow was the same as the next: black hats, straw hair, straw hands, muddied face and funny way of talking. And then they’d just be standing in fields looking about. I loved them so I thought I’d pay homage to their existence.”
The West Tyrone Preservation Society have reacted angrily to the revelation but admitted they’re not surprised:
“We’re proud of our men. And so what if they keep a lot of straw about themselves? Sure in England all the men are on drugs and wear wigs and stuff. But this does not come as big news to us. Sure wasn’t The Muppets based on the decision of the Moortown jury to award Mary Quinn from Ballinderry as Miss Wrangler Jeans 1966 when Sarah O’Neill from Brocagh had a far better chassis on her.”
There are no plans to reboot Worzel Gummidge.