Loughmacrory Burglar ‘The Nicest You Could Meet’

Vernon, last week

Vernon, last week

A burglar who has terrorised the greater Loughmacrory area has been nominated for the ‘Person Of The Year’ award in the Tyrone Herald, with local bookmakers making him favourite to lift the award.

Using his false name, Kenny Vernon admitted he was taken aback with the good wishes of his community despite pilfering £40’000 from various homes as well as jewellery, TVs and other expensive equipment over the last four years since he went bankrupt:

“This place is just brilliant. People are afraid to leave their homes when I’m about but they still recognise that deep down I’m alright. I think they appreciate that I never wear a balaclava or use weapons and stuff like that. I just stealthily sneak in and out with my swag. No damage. It’s good to know some people still appreciate manners.”

Patsy McEntee, who has been burgled six times in recent months, admitted he was the first to nominate ‘Kenny’, despite having no electrical equipment left in the house due to Vernon’s activities:

“If you were to be burgled by anyone, it would be Kenny. For example, last week he came in here during the night and stole my running machine. He phoned me the next day and asked me politely how it worked and was very complimentary about the quality of it. You wouldn’t get that in America. He said something threatening about sleeping with one eye open but sure we laughed our heads off.”

Vernon added that if he didn’t win the award he’d probably steal it anyway as well as the guest speaker’s car.

Meanwhile, Loughmacrory Community Watch said they’ll do a bus-top parade through the townland if he scoops first prize.

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About Gombeen

Trying hard to make it up.

Posted on June 21, 2014, in Loughmacrory and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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