Not many tickets sold after Ebola scare

The Sixmilecross Christian Society (SCS) have refused to apologise to 4000 Beragh residents who were spotted ‘running like mad’ towards Omagh after someone misread the SCS Tombola poster, thinking Ebola had finally arrived at the west Tyrone village.

The Tombola night, which this year was in aid of a proposed donkey sanctuary in Loughmacrory, was a resounding disaster as only nine punters turned up, winning on average 13 prizes each and generating only £23 for the project.

Meanwhile, Omagh Council have set about dismantling the makeshift aluminium buildings used to house the Beragh contingent over the weekend before the error was discovered. Beragh joiner, Candy McClean, told us:

“I was never so afeared. When word got about that Sixmilecross had caught the Ebola we just ran like hounds towards Omagh. It took a few hours of negotiations before they let us stay and I understand that. There’d be a few boys around Beragh who’d look a bit virusy even on a Sunday.”

It wasn’t until someone produced the Tyrone Democrat and spotted the Tombola advertisement for Sixmilecross that the penny finally dropped.

The Tyrone Health Organisation are to issue leaflets to all houses in the county, warning residents of evacuation procedures if the virus does hit Sixmilecross or anywhere else. Their 4-point plan is as follows:

• Don’t run like mad down the road. Head calmly for Derry or Armagh, preferably by foot or scooter/skateboard/flicker/roller-skates.
• Don’t be telling the Armagh or Derry ones why you have arrived for fear of retaliation.
• Bring sandwiches and tea for the journey. Jam sandwiches are not advised as they can attract flies.
• Keep spirits up by singing happy songs about emigration.

The THO also reminded people that there are no grants for Ebola-prevention house extensions.