Tensions high between praying couple

Following the news that the Hail Mary was voted Ireland’s favourite prayer at the National Ploughing Championships last week, the PSNI were reluctantly called to attend a 300-strong riot between lovers of the Hail Mary and Our Father fans after 11am Mass in Coalisland.

Tensions began to simmer after Hail Mary supporters rolled their eyes and coughed the whole way though the Our Father before the Eucharist was dished out. Additionally, whilst lining up to receive the Host, pushing and shoving occurred at three different parts of the aisle with one elderly woman told to ‘hurry the f**k up’ by a man with rosary beads.

Parish Priest Fr Waterworth admitted he was surprised at the level of violence outside the church which spilled over into the Main Street:

“To be honest I think it’s great. I didn’t know the people of Coalisland cared that much. I’m a bit of a Hail Holy Queen man myself so I don’t really care.”

Community groups in the area are currently devising ways to settling the issue with an over-60s bare-knuckle boxing gala the current favourite idea mooted by the panel.

The Pope has refused to comment.