Blog Archives
Kildress Man Pretended He Was Spanish For 35 Years To Avoid Small Talk Outside Mass And GAA Games
A Kildress-born man, Pablo McGeary (55), has finally broken his silence and admitted that he was pretending to be Spanish since 1990 to avoid small talk at social occasions, as he ‘hated all that shite’.
Although many close friends and family members definitely remembered him talking normally in his youth and his birth certificate registering him in the townland of Cloughfin, Pablo (real name Peter) decided he was Spanish in 1990 after a torrid evening at a family Christening listening to relatives.
Over time, people accepted his change of nationality, with Pablo communicating with nods, hands, and the phrase ‘no comprendo inglés’.
Pablo’s cover was blown at a recent Kildress GAA match against Aghaloo after he shouted ‘will ye let it in ye bollocks’ after becoming frustrated at Kildress overplaying the ball.
Drummurrer Man Comes Back From Dungannon Fluent In Six Languages
McNeill fitting his 600th stove
A Drummurrer handyman has returned home after a year working in Dungannon able to ask ‘do you need a stove fitted?’ in half a dozen languages much to the amazement of his family and friends. Terrence McNeill, who got a bus to Dungannon after being told about it by his uncle who went there in 1992, claims to have fitted over 600 stoves in 300 days and rewired almost 200 houses whilst immersing himself in the local culture.
“Jays it’s a deadly place, boys. I met Jamaican women dancing in Woolworths, Lithuanian men playing didgeridoos and Portuguese ladies taking the heads off each other outside the Fort. And they’re all mad looking stoves fitted. I learned Russian, Swahili, Spanish, Latvian, Bulgarian and English just by listening whilst fitting stoves or rewiring.”
McNeill reckons it’s a cultural and financial experience no one should miss out on.
“People talk about recession this and economy that. Well, Dungannon is having none of it. This place must be a bit like Saudi Arabia or Australia. Everyone is loaded. I’ll be telling all the young ones of Drummurrer, Clonoe, Derrytresk and even Coalisland to get on that bus. It might seem like a world away but look at me now. I’m a multi-lingual genius and people keep asking me to say things in different tongues at parties and social gatherings.”
McNeill admits that re-adjusting to life in Drummurrer has been difficult:
“Aye, the slagging takes a bit of getting used to. If you slagged the Russian women they’d wreck you so I cut it out completely in Dungannon. Back here, they’ve been calling me things like ‘Einstein Features’, ‘Bollocksy Bill’ and ‘marble mouthed hoor’ just because I’m deadly at the languages. Also, it’s like learning another language in Drummurrer. Mad way of talking.”
Terence has also had to combat the ferocious reaction by his wife after he brought home a Jamaican woman ‘for a bit of craic’ instead of towels and rock.
Tyrone Tribulations 