Really is cross and crabbed

Award-winning BBC documentarist David Titchmarch has been asked by the Tyrone County Board to postpone his startling documentary on the Tyrone U21 side’s run to the All-Ireland Final.

His findings, which will send shock-waves the breadth of the province, shows former multiple All-Star Peter Canavan shouting loudly ‘like a demented school-teacher’ and Brian Dooher asking players to run around the field TWICE as a warm-up.

Manager Fergal Logan reportedly escapes criticism and is often filmed pleading ‘ah now, Peter, don’t be shouting like that’ and asking Dooher if he was maybe going a bit too hard on the players by making them do 15 press-ups and 15 squats.

A county board official, who downloaded the documentary illegally using an Irish torrent site, told us:

“Peter doesn’t come out too well in this. There’s a scene when he’s shouting at Frank Burns and his veins are clearly visible in his neck and him red-faced saying things like ‘for f**k sake Frank, bend for it, ye Pomeranian gope’. This won’t go down well with the parents of many of the players, especially when he slags off their highlighted hairstyles and expensive boots. He really is cross and crabbed, as the song goes.”

The documentary also paints Dooher as a sadistic pain-merchant, at one stage making the players do piggy-backs and backwards running. Our official explained further:

“I think the parents are going to be in two minds whether or not to send their players to training for the final. Dooher is filmed at one stage standing in front of the players making them do stretches and stuff for FIFTEEN minutes before they even kick a ball, smirking and winking at Canavan. This man is a machine but comes across like some soldier from Russia or Germany in the 1940s. Or maybe from England since the 1200s.”

Titchmarch has agreed to postpone the documentary until after the final has been played and has also agreed to slap on an 18 certificate because of the shouting and stuff.