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Dungannon Woman Mortified As Husband Sends Picture Of Backside As She Checks-In On Phone At Airport

Bad timing

Bad timing

A Dungannon woman was made to wait over 145 minutes after security was called during her check-in at Belfast International Airport due to a message she received at the moment of mobile-device scanning.

It transpired that Moira McFerron was checking in using her smartphone app when her husband, at home in Dungannon, decided to send her a picture of his backside in an attempt to keep her happy. The image of Denis McFerron’s posterior appears to have caused a serious malfunction in the airport’s multi-million pound high-tech computer system, resulting in a series of delayed flights as well as two cancellations.

Moira, who collects money for a range of charities, maintains she hadn’t a clue her husband could do something like that:

“Why the hell would I want to see that man’s arse? Sure I’d only left the house 3 hours earlier and was only going to be away for a lock of days in total for a hen trip. What he did has ruined the holiday. Especially when the police printed out the image, magnified. Denis has got the whole sexting things arse about face, in more ways than one.”

Aldergrove admitted they’d experienced a near-terminal computer malfunction after an attempted mobile phone flight ticket scan:

“Due to our customer privacy policy, we’re not at liberty to reveal what actually happened suffice to say it was a hair-raising experience.”

Denis, who was unavailable for comment today, received a smart phone as a 50th birthday present last week and had apparently been getting carried away about how quickly photos could be sent and had already been cautioned for sending his neighbour a photo of his wife showering ‘for an oul laugh’.

 

Violence Erupts At Pub Quiz Over World War Question

Artist's impression of quiz fight

Artist’s impression of quiz fight

The organizers of a Cookstown Pub Quiz have admitted that strict regulations on mobile phone technology may have been a reason for the violent scenes witnessed during last night’s Monday Night Quiz in Mullavan’s Pub.

Police were called to the venue at 11pm after three windows were smashed and furniture broken following a tie-break question, which caused a difference of opinion, to see who would finish in last place.

The question – ‘Which world war came first – World War I or World War II?’ saw The Sinister Pumpkins answer WWI with Badger Breeders adamant it was WWII. The Quiz Master awarded the points to Badger Breeders, sparking an aggressive debate and accusations of underhand tactics before a glass was thrown at a supporter of the winning team. Within minutes an all-out brawl engulfed the premises.

Paul O’Farrell, captain of The Sinister Pumpkins, told us from his bed:

“This was blatant favoritism. Everyone knows that WWI was first – there should be no debate about this. That’s why it’s called One and not Two. I can’t believe we even had this discussion, never mind a brawl.”

Kieran Molloy of the Sinister Pumpkins disagreed:

“If you invented a time machine and started traveling back in time, then you would encounter WWII first as it is most recent to us. It makes sense to me. The whole wording of it is a side issue. Sure didn’t The Hobbit movies come out after The Lord of the Rings movies and that’s all messed up when you think about it. Same with Star Wars – the prequel one which came out after the first ones in the picture-houses which were actually earlier chronologically. And who’s to say Jaws 3 didn’t happened before Jaws 2, in real life like.”

Pub owner Eoin Mullavan admits a simple Google search on someone’s phone would have solved the dispute but a strict policy on technological devices prevented their use. He added that he personally believes WWII was first but would surf the answer later.

 

Mobile Phone Coverage ‘Isn’t What It Used To Be’ Complain Tyrone Residents

Better reception - goddammit.

Better reception – goddammit.

9H82SCAD1JNKUCAKSAM4ECA4CFUS8CABDPQ8CCAXR4253CA9UCDRXCAZBL4K7CA1YI0EICAZ6P35OCAEDMHWLCAHUXD0ZCAPW5AAECAQL7DFICAR354RDCANGIQ7ECAEL7GBKCA8R1O4LCAF5SXODBY SHENGAS MCGLUMPHIE

A growing number of residents across Tyrone are making official complaints to mobile phone companies following the news that mobile phone coverage is steadily increasing and now covers 96% of the County.

“It’s tara”, grumbled 28 year old Ernest Johnson, an auto-pilot from Carrickmore. “My house was a blackspot for years. It was class. It gave me a great excuse not to call people back or to tell them I hadn’t picked up their voicemail. Now I’ve got no defence”.

Similar complaints have been made by other phone users, in particular about the former blackspot outside between Craigavon and Dungannon on the A4 which now has excellent coverage.

“It’s cat”, said Orla Milligan, a levitationist from Aughabrack. “I used to be able to time it nicely so that after five minutes on the phone to my ma I’d get cut off. Now I have to pretend and start shouting, ‘I’m going into a tunnel’. There’s no buckin’ tunnels there. The least them ‘uns at Vodafone can do is build one to help me out”.

Siobhan Fox, a panda trainer from Eglish, agreed.

“Round these parts we’re used to ending every call with ‘Hello?’ being yelled down the phone half a dozen times. This improved coverage isn’t good enough. I was on the phone to my brother for nearly an hour last night. Jaysus, that man talks shite. I ended up putting him on mute because a repeat of Lesser Spotted Ulster was coming on. Some handlin”.

One resident, Frank Cassidy, a part-time thief from Omagh, took matters into his own hands.

“Thon phone boys are cunning. They make these mobile phone masts to look like trees so you can’t notice them, but I’m wise to that. So I took a chainsaw to three of them up the Dooish Mountain. Huge feckers, about a 200 foot high. Turns out they were real trees after all. Come to think of it, they did look dead realistic”.

The Tyrone Society of Pub Quizmasters, which has 60,000 members, are staging a rally in Coalisland on Saturday to protest that people can now cheat at pub quizzes by sneakily Googling the answers under the table.

Brocagh Woman Panics After Not Receiving a Text For Whole Day

Tereas at midday

Teresa at midday

shengasBy Shengas McGlumphie

A Brocagh woman today told of her near-panic of going almost an entire day without getting a text from anyone. 24 year old Teresa Monteith, an accounts clerk from Ballybeg Road, admitted:

“I normally get one from my boyfriend by the time I’ve got to work about that evening’s dinner but nothing arrived, although we usually have bacon and cabbage on a Wednesday so I didn’t think much of it. But then I usually get a couple from my mum as well which are mostly about my da and his toilet troubles, but the phone just sat there in front of my desk, doing nothing. And Shona at work sometimes sends me a couple of texts even though she sits across from me but that’s so we can talk about Patricia and her stupid trousers without her knowing”.

After having decided at 11.30am just to ignore the phone for the rest of the day because she was so busy, Monteith finally succumbed after lunch and checked her ‘Manage Connections’ settings before eventually sending a text to herself entitled ‘Test’ to satisfy herself that the service was working. She subsequently consoled herself by going onto Facebook for 45 minutes and ‘liking’ several posts, including one from her sister-in-law wearing a sombrero and holding a vuvuzela, and another from her friend Clare which said how much she liked Nathan Turner’s new haircut.

Teresa then spent another hour typing in the names of people she went to school with to see if she could find anything of interest about them on the internet, and a further 15 minutes googling her own name.

After promising herself at 3.45pm that she wouldn’t be the first to send someone else a text, she received one at 4.10pm from her partner Eric, after she sent him a text that said ‘y havent u textd me?’, followed by a sad smiley face icon.

paul g moss

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