A Dungannon woman was made to wait over 145 minutes after security was called during her check-in at Belfast International Airport due to a message she received at the moment of mobile-device scanning.
It transpired that Moira McFerron was checking in using her smartphone app when her husband, at home in Dungannon, decided to send her a picture of his backside in an attempt to keep her happy. The image of Denis McFerron’s posterior appears to have caused a serious malfunction in the airport’s multi-million pound high-tech computer system, resulting in a series of delayed flights as well as two cancellations.
Moira, who collects money for a range of charities, maintains she hadn’t a clue her husband could do something like that:
“Why the hell would I want to see that man’s arse? Sure I’d only left the house 3 hours earlier and was only going to be away for a lock of days in total for a hen trip. What he did has ruined the holiday. Especially when the police printed out the image, magnified. Denis has got the whole sexting things arse about face, in more ways than one.”
Aldergrove admitted they’d experienced a near-terminal computer malfunction after an attempted mobile phone flight ticket scan:
Denis, who was unavailable for comment today, received a smart phone as a 50th birthday present last week and had apparently been getting carried away about how quickly photos could be sent and had already been cautioned for sending his neighbour a photo of his wife showering ‘for an oul laugh’.
A Derrytresk farmer has sent her husband off to fight for whatever side he wants in Crimea if any combat starts, describing it as a great opportunity for him to see the world and to broaden his horizons.
Danny Hagan (49) was this morning said to be ‘sort of excited’ but ‘mostly terrified’ as he had originally set his sights on a family holiday in Mayo. Speaking from Belfast International Airport, Hagan admitted:
“Aye, it’s a bit of a handlin aright. One minute I’m out lambing with gay abandon in our field and the next I’m sitting here in Belfast with a one-way ticket to Crimea and a ruck-sack filled with tins of corned beef and a gallon of buttermilk.”
The official Derrytresk send-off saw up to 12 people line the streets on both sides waving Ukraine, Russian and Crimean flags at 6am this morning. Reports suggest a row broke out after he left between supporters of the three regions, resulting in one PSNI officer arriving and employing a strong water pistol to dampen down raw emotions.
Cathy Hagan (53) told us this trip will be good for her husband:
“To be honest I always wanted to marry some kind of soldier so this will maybe re-spark the marriage. I was watching him out lambing yesterday and it was doing nothing for me. This is a whole new ball game now. I don’t know who he’ll fight for. Probably the Russians as he’s deadly for the vodka.”
Russian president Vladimir Putin has already acted to secure the services of Hagan by piping non-stop Malachi Cush music through loudspeakers in Crimea as well as inviting Ardboe and Killyman GAA clubs over to play an exhibition game on his arrival in Simferopol.
Homecoming plans have been shelved for a while with Cathy Hagan informing us ‘sure we’ll see how he goes’.