Ardboe – 2014?

The Ardboe Toursim Board have denied they strategically placed Ardboe’s first lamp post outside a pub to heighten suspicions of a UFO hovering over the area hence boosting much needed tourist numbers. The UFO, Alien and Paranormal Research of Strange Things Ireland (UFOAPRSTI) revealed they received 980 unique phonecalls from concerned and often inebriated Ardboe residents about a strange light hovering near the Lough within the last week. With a population of 986, concerns were also raised that all but 6 people in Ardboe spend a portion of their day in the bar.

Gusty Forbes (71) still believes there’s something up there:

“They’re now saying it’s a lamp post. I don’t buy it. The Ministry of Defence are hiding something. Answer me this – how come it arrived at 9pm every night bang on time and then leave at 6am exactly? Sure if this was one of them lamp posts would it not be there all the time? Ghost-oh, it has been exciting times for the area. Exiles from Amerikay and Australia have been coming home in droves to see it.”

Sally McGuigan, a local hypnotist, also believes there’s more to this than meets the eye:

“Lamp post my arse. How come it flickers for 2-3 minutes at 8:59pm? It’s trying to make contact. We sang The Fisherman’s Lament back to it and I swear I heard it buzzing a bit. All we’re asking is why – why Ardboe? Is it the centre of the universe?”

The Ardboe Tourism Board have reiterated the fact that it’s a lamp post and have pleaded for people to go back to work:

“Holy Smokes – we erected it to stop people from stumbling over a loose slab outside the Battery. The compo was killing us. Fair enough, 46’000 believers have descended on Ardboe to see the static “UFO” this week and maybe we were a bit slow to confirm it was a lamp post but enough’s enough. 12’000 people have fallen over that slab this week.”

One local farmer has sued NASA for the mysterious disappearance of one cow. NASA say this has nothing to do with them.