Killyman woman

After recent controversial comments by self-confessed chauvinist and Nobel laureate Tim Hunt who stated that “three things happen when they (women) are in the lab … You fall in love with them, they fall in love with you and when you criticise them, they cry“, businesses across the world have panicked regardless and started hiring Tyrone women who still retain their reputation for not crying at all, even when watching The Lion King.

Apple, Orange and Sony vans have been spotted several times over the weekend driving about roads in Omagh, Strabane and Dungannon looking for women in suits to drive their businesses to the next level.

Maire McGrane, a 27-year-old biochemistry graduate from Castlecaulfield, revealed she had received 16 offers from as far as China and Wicklow by worried directors ever since Tim Hunt’s remarks:

“I haven’t cried since 2005 and even that was only because I was kicked in the gut by a bull I was castrating. You only have to go out in Dungannon any Saturday night and you’ll see piles of lads crying over football results or being ugly whilst the wemen kick the tripe out of those who are not. I don’t know what this bollocks Hunt is talking about.”

Chinese technological giant Yamahoohoo have made inquiries into whether or not an airport can be built in Coalisland to ferry women across to run their burgeoning corporation.

McGrane warned Chinese men that they’ll not be falling in love as easy as Hunt maintains:

“If I like ye, it’s because you can stick one over the black spot from 50 metres out on your left foot or you can dung out a yard in under an hour. None of that oul love shite.”

Invest Ireland are looking into ways to keeping Irish women in Ireland, with their poetic spokesman adding ‘if this place is run by men, then it’s economic lights out for the motherland of old Erin.”