Flynn’s Diner, a new eatery situated on the side of a quiet country road on the shores of Lough Neagh, is reeling from an international food critic’s scathing review in last week’s Sunday Times.
Describing it as ‘like something from the depths of hell‘, the culinary expert proceeded to try every dish before admitting defeat and heading off for a fish supper in Landi’s in Coalisland.
When interviewed today, the journalist Quentin Harrod was sticking to his guns despite heavy criticism on social media from loughshore residents and friends of proprietor Conor Flynn:
“I still have cold sweats thinking about the ordeal. The starter – for which the was no other option – was ‘Midge & Eel Soup’. Apparently it’s some kind of fusion of local produce. The taste was like nothing I had experienced before.”
Flynn, originally from West Belfast, has refused to take his Midge and Eel Soup off the menu and suggests Mr Harrod may have not put enough salt on it:
“I sell about 25 bowls of Midge and Eel a day so I do and never once have a heard a complaint so I haven’t. I think Mr Harrod maybe didn’t give the dish the respect it needs in terms of seasoning so he didn’t.”
Harrod went on to slate the main dish which was black pudding served on a bed of spaghetti hoops, claiming it was ‘food for heathens and neanderthals‘. His article in the Sunday Times, which is read by 91 million people, finished with a scathing attack on the dessert – ice cream in a cup covered in crumbled Rich Tea. Flynn refused to back down:
“He’s getting on like a bit of a dick so he is.”
Flynn’s Diner is open 5pm-6pm, seven days a week.
A Donaghmore woman has strenuously denied being seen shopping at Lidl in Dungannon on Monday evening. Friends of 36-year old Marie McAleese reported that a woman matching her description was spotted in Dungannon on Monday evening at approximately 7.20pm, wearing dark glasses and pretending to have a limp, walking into the popular discount retailer in Market Yard.
“It’s a pack of lies”, protested McAleese. “I wouldn’t be seen dead in that place. Even if they are selling 40 metres of clingfilm for only £2.99. Jaysus, it’s nearly £4 in Asda. Anyway, I always to go Marks & Spencer for my shopping. And sometimes Tesco, but that’s only for milk and bread. And I’ve been complaining for years that Waitrose should open up a shop in Donaghmore. And Selfridges. So what would the likes of me be wanting in Lidl, buying multi-packs of Hula-Hoops at 89p for 7 packets? That’s no good to me. I don’t even like crisps. Except maybe cheese and onion. They’re okay. And the barbeque beef ones”.
A close friend of McAleese’s confided,
“Marie’s always been up herself. Too snooty for her own good. Who cares if she goes into Lidl? I heard she was in there the previous week wearing a balaclava, carrying a whole clatter of McVitie’s digestive biscuits. Enough to feed an army. That one’s got an eye for a bargain, make no mistake”.
On Monday McAleese allegedly purchased several bags of groceries, including 6 tins of Lidl’s own-brand baked beans, a ‘Fruits of the Forest’ Fresh Cream Luxury Meringue, and a big box of Midget Gems.
“Meringue? Are you having a laugh?” snorted McAleese. “I do all my own home baking. I’d never think about buying a shop-bought meringue. I’d make it at home with, you know, the flour and the milk and the yeast and suchlike. These are just stories making out that I’m some sort of cheapskate”. She went on, “I won’t have my head turned by that place, even if they are selling Carte D’Or Vanilla Ice Cream for £1.50 or £2.50 for two. And anyway, they weren’t digestives. It was Rich Tea I wasn’t buying. 99p a pack. Deadly”.